You Make Beautiful Things . . . Out of the Dust: October 2013

So it all began Thursday evening. Quinn and I were making apple muffins and I was feeling some contractions. I figured they were just Braxton Hicks like I had been having on and off for months. When Jeff got home from work I mentioned it to him but we didn’t think much about it. We ate delicious muffins together and then went to Costco. At Costco I was feeling more contractions, enough that I started to time them on a contraction timing app. I wasn’t really thinking that it was the real thing but I wanted to get an idea of how regular they were. I still didn’t really know what it was supposed to feel like in the beginning since I had Cervidil to start my labor in the hospital with Quinn. But my hope and prayers were to go into labor on my own this time so I was excited by the thought that it could be the start. I was getting excited walking around Costco. We ate salad and pizza there before we left and then went to meet Anna and Justin at Miami Ice for snow cones! I was still timing the contractions, they were regular-about every 5-10 min- weren’t painful but they were more uncomfortable then ones I had had before. As the night went on they started to slow, about every 20 min, until they had mostly stopped. I was disappointed but hopeful that they would start again. I went to bed that night and actually slept great, which was such a blessing because I had not been sleeping very well for the past couple weeks. I did wake up a couple times with contractions that I had to breathe through. At about 7 that Friday morning I lay in bed and was having to breathe through the contractions, but they were short and only coming about every 30 minutes. I told Jeff before he left for work that I had had a few painful contractions throughout the night and that I would text him with updates of if the contractions continued and that I would call if I need him. (Jeff is bad at answering the phone and responding to text when he is at work, so I was joking that I’d be in labor and wouldn’t be able to get a hold of him.)

So that morning Stephanie and I decided to walk up to Starbucks with the kids in hopes that it would progress my labor. After we got our Starbucks- I got a Pumpkin Spice Latte- we walked back and went to Gilham Park. I was still having contractions but was happily distracted by talking with Stephanie. Bree met us at the playground with Josie and Kannon and the kids all played for a while. Soon it was lunch time so I invited Bree and the kids over for lunch. I walked back to the house, 9 months pregnant, pushing Quinn in the stroller up the hill, having fairly painful contractions all the way. I walked past some men who were painting an apartment building and I laughed to myself, I must have been quite a sight. I finally got back to the house and we fed the kids. I was having painful contractions by then but had not been timing them since I was taking care of feeding Quinn and talking with Bree. Jeff called and asked how I was doing, I told him I was having painful contractions but that I would time them once I got Quinn down for her nap. He responded by tell me that he had meetings at 1, 2, and 3 and wouldn’t be able to leave work until 4 at the earliest. I was a little put off by this since I was in pain and had just told Jeff that I might need him to come home once Quinn was up from her nap because I wasn’t sure that I could handle taking care of her and having these contractions. Bree volunteered to stay but I just wanted to get Q down for her nap so that I could focus on what was happening with my body, and also finish packing my hospital bag that I had been procrastinating about. So we said goodbye to Bree and the kids and I took Q up for her nap. Quinn was NOT going to sleep and I had to go back into her room between contractions to get her to sleep. The contractions were really hurting and coming on faster so I texted Jeff the following series of texts at 1:52pm:

I’m going to need u to come home

Your parents r coming when your dad gets off work

I’m trying to pack and get Q to go to sleep

I’m having contractions every 5 min

They hurt. Bad.

Could your brother come over after work and stay with Q until your parents get here?

Maybe he could leave a little early

This got Jeff’s attention and he said he was on his way home. Quinn finally went to sleep and I started to go over my packing list and throw stuff in my bag between kneeling on the floor and leaning on the bed to get through contractions. Soon I ditched the packing and got in the tub. This is where Jeff found me, in a bra, in the bathtub. The tub felt great bw contractions but was uncomfortable during the contractions bc I needed to bend forward to help with the back pain and the tub was just too small and awkward. While I was in the tub I was texting my sister that she should start heading to KC and texting with Stephanie about what I was going to do with Quinn. That conversation went like this:

1:54pm

M- I think I'm having a baby tonight
      It's hurting bad and every 5 min
S-Where is Quinn going? Are you resting just in case?
M- I'm trying to pack and track and get Quinn to sleep
     I think she's finally asleep.
S- Don't track if you don't need to. Not important... Quinn sleeping & you resting is. :)
    You'll know if they get closer than 5 minutes. ;)
    Seriously, where is Quinn going if you have to go to the hospital?
M- Idk
    Jeff's coming home now
S- Good. We could keep her until 5, but then we have a meeting at church until 9:30.
    Do you want me to make some calls and see if anyone is available?
    Bree, Alicia, Ashley, Kate?
M- Bree said she can come back over. Jeff's parents will leave once his dad gets off work but that won't          get them in until 6:30 I think.
     Oh yeah and we could probably take her to Kate's. I didn't think of that.
S- Good. We'll be praying for you!
M-I can text them. Thanks.
    I'll let u know

2:34pm

M- I think Jeff's bro will leave work and come over
S- Awesome.
    Are you going in?
M- Jeff keeps telling me to call but I don't want to call too soon
     Or go in too soon
S- Yeah... I know what you mean. It's a hard decision.
    Can you talk through the contractions or do you have to focus on them?
M- Oh I'm bent over moaning
     Def not talking
     Unless cursing counts
     JK :)
S- You should call. Lol. Unless you want to have the baby at home. ;)

So once Jeff got home and found me in pain in the tub he asked me if I had called the midwives and if we needed to leave for the hospital. I said I had not called because the contractions were supposed to be 1 min or longer, every 5 min before I called and mine were less than a minute long but every 2-4 mins. So I wasn’t sure what to do, plus I was in the tub and hadn’t had enough time bw contractions to find the number and try to get a hold of someone, and I did not want to go in too early. I was so afraid of calling or going in to early just to find out I was barely dilated or to have the contractions stop. Luckily this was not going to be the case. Jeff left the bathroom and started trying to pack for me from the list. He would come in every once in a while and say “I really think we need to call and go to the hospital. I am not prepared to deliver this baby!” I got out of the tub and labored against the bed again while still trying to pack and also call the midwives. Unfortunately it was turning out to be impossible to get a hold of a live person. Mitchell got to the house and Jeff finally said- “Let’s go to the hospital, now!” I agreed and we grabbed the “good enough” packed bag while I tried to find my “birth skirt” (the black stretchy skirt I labored and gave birth to Quinn in) and the maternity tank that I wanted to wear. The skirt was a little tight and so I settled for some loose gaucho pants that were still a bit damp from being washed the day before. Meanwhile Quinn woke up and Mitchell came upstairs to take her potty and let us go. So I kissed my sweet girl goodbye and yelled some last minute directions at Uncle Mitchell about playing outside and feeding her yogurt. J Jeff packed up the birth ball, Boppy pillow, and my bag and off we went to the hospital.

When we got to the hospital Jeff wanted to drop me off but I didn’t want to wait by myself in front of the hospital having contractions and looking crazy, so we parked and walked in together, stopping when I needed to. We took the elevator up and went to check in. They started to have me fill out paper work, which was super annoying considering I was standing there and every couple minutes I had to lean against the wall and have Jeff push on my lower back. They finally took my in to the triage nurse who made me put on a gown, lie on a bed, and strap me to a fetal monitor (all of these things were also annoying and uncomfortable). The nurse then said that she was going to ask me 60,000 questions and started her spiel, which I did my best to answer in between contractions. Jeff asked her if we would be going into our own room and she told us that this was just the triage and that she would check me and see how far along I was. She said “women come in screaming their heads off and are only a 2 and have to be sent home”. So she continued taking her time asking me questions and I finally said, “I’m feeling a lot of pressure!” This got her attention and she decided to stop and check me. “Oh!” she said, “You are a 7 and 90%, let’s get you to a room!”

Once they wheeled me into a room Jeff asked if I wanted to change back into my clothes to labor and give birth, at this point I said no, the gown was fine, I couldn’t imagine how I could possible change clothes with the contractions as strong as they were. At this point they had told me it would still be a while before Sheila got there bc she had been at the office up north and had to drive back through traffic. I could tell they were confused at why we hadn’t called sooner to tell her I was in labor but I said we hadn’t been able to get a hold of anyone until we were almost to the hospital and Jeff finally spoke to someone who said they would have her paged. Soon after getting to the room an OB popped in to meet me, just in case Sheila didn’t make it I guess. She introduced herself to me and said “Have you done this without pain medication before?” Yes, I said. And then she left. They still had me strapped to the fetal monitor and inserted a saline lock to give me the antibiotics to treat GBS. I asked to have to monitor removed and the nurse said 10 more minutes. I continue to labor through the contractions by leaning against the wall and having Jeff push on my lower back. I decided against asking to get into the tub since I knew I was almost done. I finally got off the monitor and the antibiotics and was free from all hook ups. Thank goodness, it was much easier to labor without being attached to things.

Soon Sheila arrived and I exclaimed “Thank God you are here Sheila!” I was so glad that she was on call since she had delivered Quinn, and although I also love and trust Katie (the other midwife), I thought it would be special to have Sheila deliver Sawyer as well. As Sheila got things set up I tried lying on the bed bc my legs were so shaky and weak. Lying down was worse so I sat at the edge of the bed. I wished it had a birthing bar to hold onto. I told Sheila that I thought I needed to push so she checked me, said I was at a 9, and said one more contraction and I should be ready to push. So I started pushing, which was excruciating, and I felt my water pop, it went all over Sheila. It felt really good though, a huge pressure was gone. Sheila could now feel his head. A few more pushes and he would be out. At one point I yelled “Sheila, get him out!” and she said “well, you have to push him out.” Jeff was my rock and let me hold onto him and encouraged me through it. At one point he said something about me soon meeting and holding my son. I smiled at this and found some peace in thinking of the new precious life that would soon be in my arms. I know I was making some crazy “amazon women” sounds and Sheila and the nurse told me to deepen my voice and tuck my chin and push. After just a couple more pushes I was able to reach down and feel his head of hair. One more push and Sheila said “reach down and grab your baby!” This was the most amazing part, this was exactly what I had been hoping for- to reach down and pull my baby up to my chest and hold him against me. His tiny body against mine, skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat. Sheila said “Look, now you can tell people that you delivered your own baby”. J It was the most amazing experience. I held his little body to mine and just kept saying “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, that was amazing! Thank God it’s over! Quick Jeff, take a picture!” Then Sawyer peed on me. It was perfect.

2 Cor. 12:9-10 “My grace is enough; it is all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. … I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become!” (MSG)

The triage nurse who had stayed for the delivery said to me “That was amazing! Thank you for letting me be a part of this.” It was very sweet. The nurses of course said I did a great job and that they were surprised at how well I was handling the labor coming into the hospital so far along. I am so thankful that I was able to mostly labor at home, with friends and kids to distract me and keep me busy. Sawyer Allen Smith was born at 5:18pm, 7lbs 11oz, 21 inches. I gave birth about 90 minutes after getting to the hospital. Perfect timing.

So after the birth I just held him against my skin, I tried to nurse him but he wasn’t too interested yet. I held him for a long time, putting off the bath and other examinations. Finally they took him to weigh him, etc. and then I nursed him and he latched right on. Then the grandparents and Uncle Mitchell arrived with Quinn. She was already so in love with her brother. She immediately knew who he was and climbed up on the bed saying “Hi baby brother, hi baby Sawyer. I hold baby brother?!” It was precious. She held him on my lap and kissed him over and over.

As for recovery, once again, although I felt like I was being ripped open, I didn’t tear a bit- and that is bc Sheila is amazing and used warm compresses and coached me through when to let up with the final pushes. She also said his hand was up by his face so he got a little stuck. I lost a lot of blood, just like with Quinn, and later passed out in the bathroom on the nurse. It’s amazing how incredibly vulnerable you are during and after giving birth, and how much you do not care. They gave me Pitocin to help my uterus contract and slow the bleeding. That was kind of terrible bc it made my stomach cramp, as did breastfeeding.

It was exactly the kind of birth I was hoping for. I am so thankful for this experience and for my precious, healthy baby boy. It is incredible how God designed for us to bring life into this world. It is just mind blowing, I can’t comprehend it. The pain, the joy, the surrender. It’s hard and real and gritty and utterly vulnerable. It bonds me to Jeff like no other experience could. It shows me his amazing support and love for me, my best friend being my rock, cheering me on towards the finish line. My friend Ashley says that women deserve a plaque and $50,000 after giving birth- I agree- although I guess what we get is immeasurably better. She also texted me that she was praying for an efficient and simple birth and that God would carry me through the fiery miracle of giving birth. I couldn’t have said it better, and those prayers were certainly answered.

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.
~ Psalm 139:13-16