God as Mother- Part 2

The second week of our JW Institute was about sabbath.

First we read through Psalm 139.  We read though it as a prayer over our children, inserting their names.  It was a really powerful practice and went something like this:

Psalm 139

¹ You have searched Quinn, Lord,
    and you know her.
² You know when she sits and when she rises;
    you perceive her thoughts from afar.
³ You discern her going out and her lying down;
    you are familiar with all her ways.
⁴ Before a word is on her tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵ You hem Quinn in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon her.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for her,
    too lofty for her to attain.

⁷ Where can Quinn go from your Spirit?
    Where can she flee from your presence?
⁸ If she goes up to the heavens, you are there;
    if she makes her bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If she rises on the wings of the dawn,
    if she settles on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide Quinn,
    your right hand will hold her fast.
¹¹ If Quinn says, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created Quinn's inmost being;
    you knit her together in my womb.
¹⁴ She praises you because she is fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    Quinn knows that full well.
¹⁵ Quinn's frame was not hidden from you
    when she was made in the secret place,
    when she was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw Quinn's unformed body;
    all the days ordained for her were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to her are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were Quinn to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when Quinn awakes, she is still with you.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from Quinn, you who are bloodthirsty!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Does Quinn not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
²² She has nothing but hatred for them;
     She counts them her enemies.
²³ Search Quinn, God, and know her heart;
    test her and know her anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in Quinn,
    and lead her in the way everlasting.

Here are just a few of the reflections we had: 

vs 5-6- comfort and protection for our children

vs 7-12- God loves them and pursues them even more desperately than we do.  God is always with them, even when we can't be.  Our children have their own independence, they are being guided by the Lord.  Hard moments, fits, lack of sleep.

vs 14-  Godly sense of self to pass on to daughters and sons, and to value and look for in a spouse. "I know that full well."- we need to act like it and set that example. 

After we read over this for our children, Jessi asked us to read it for ourselves... 

Think of how well you know your child.  God sees and knows them even better.  God sees and knows us even better.

** God rests on the 7th day.  The only thing He commands from the creation story is sabbath.  We participate in creation and are commanded to rest.  

The mind that comes to rest is tended 

In ways that it cannot intend:
Is borne, preserved, and comprehended

By what it cannot comprehend.

Your Sabbath, Lord, thus keeps us by

Your will, not ours.  And it is fit

Our only choice should be to die

Into that rest, or out of it.

~Wendell Berry

Of course I am still reflecting on this and still have a several page print out from Jessi that I need to read, but Quinn just woke from her nap.  :)

 

God as Mother- Part 1

This month I've been a part of a JW Institue that meets on Thursday mornings when we usually have play group.  JW has provided childcare and let us moms have a glorious hour and a half to have discussion, reflection, relaxation, conversation, etc.  Jessi Marcus has been leading it and she is a wonderful pastor and teacher as always, as well as being a mom of three amazing kids.  These past three weeks have refreshed my soul.  I'm sad that we have just one class left but I hope to continue to chew on the scripture and the discussions we've had in my own space as well as continuing these conversations with other moms around me and with Jeff.  

The first week we talked about our pregnancy and birth stories.  We talked about Kenosis-  Christ pouring himself out for the Church and his people and then being filled back up by being in His Father's presence.  We try to pattern our lives after Christ- all day, all night, emptying ourselves...for our kids, our husbands, our friends, our family, our community.  I've continuously shared my physical body with my children for almost three years straight now-from pregnancy, to giving birth, to nursing 19 months, straight into finding out I was pregnant again- and I have at least another two years to go.  (Of course you could say that as moms we are always giving up our body, our strength, our love, our energy, our sleep, our patience, etc.)  And I can honestly say that I love it... most of the time.  It's truly the most amazing, worthwhile thing I've ever done.  But to step back and think about this amazing and worthwhile thing, this role of motherhood, this invaluable gift that we have been chosen for and that we give to our children and the world, and to think of how this is me patterning my life after Christ and pouring myself out, bc of love.  Well... it's just an amazing truth to be told, and we all need to be told and reminded of this.  Especially when all the guilt sets in for the ways we feel we've fallen short or when the world continues to whisper that what we do as moms is not valuable or worthwhile or amazing. 

Another very important thought:  That we can not give to our children what we do not have ourselves.  We need space to spend with our Father to be filled back up. 

Jessi also pointed out that Racham is the word for "womb" and Rachamim is the word for "God's love and compassion".  That's cool.

Phil 2:5-7
Isa 44:1-5
Isa 49:1-18
Isa 66:7-13
Psalm 139

Summer is my favorite! 22 months.

We've had a cool summer so far, and I am not a huge fan, but Daddy is very happy.  I prefer the heat, the smell of sunscreen in the air, splashing in the pool, tank tops and gym shorts. . .

Anyway, today feels like June and I hope it's here to stay. :)

At 22 months:

You are in underwear full time!  I can't believe it!  You have been for 2 weeks now.  We are still working out the nights, which is rough, but you are finally pooping on the potty again and hardly have any daytime pee accidents unless you are playing with friends and I forget to remind you.  You do a great job going at any store or public restroom since I always have our little travel potty seat.

You are talking a lot as always.  Always surprising us with the things you say.  When Daddy comes home and asks about your day you tell him, "zoo! animals!" and he ask what animals you saw and you say "zebra! polar bear! hippo! elephant! mama giraffe!  baby giraffe! carousel!"  Sometimes you randomly start talking to me about the zoo and the different animals.  In the bathroom are some animal stickers that you earned from pooping on the potty and you like to name them off whenever we are in there "tiger, cheetah, baby seal, zebra".

You still also talk obsessively about the tree branch that snapped off during a thunderstorm.  We had just gotten home and were on the porch when there was a loud crack and a huge tree branch snapped off and fell right behind our car.  All night you sat on the top of the couch looking out the window recounting what you had seen and heard saying "Tree break!  Snap!" and clapping your hands together to make the snap sound.  You still talk about this weeks later when you see the tree or tree branch (now laying on the side of the house).  Daddy also told you about the "music truck" so you surprised me by talking about that one day while looking out the window.

You've been so sweet reading books to your babies while I take a shower.  You pick out books and climb up in the green chair in your room and read to them.  Today I went in after my shower and you were reading a book about a duck and goose searching for a pumpkin and you were saying "pumpkin? nooooo.  in water? nooooo."  I was amazing at what you were remembering and able to communicate from the story.  There a quite a few books that we can read together now.  You know them well enough to fill in the words and sounds at certain parts.  It's a lot of fun.  As always, I am fascinated to watch you learn and develop.

When you hear a thunderstorm (there have been a lot lately) you say "boom! boom!" which is from our Mr. Brown by Dr. Seuss book: "Boom, boom, boom! Mr. Brown is a wonder.  Boom, boom, boom!  Mr. Brown makes thunder."

Here are some pictures of things we've been up to.  Our mild obsession with the Zoo, a neighborhood block party, Daddy's work carnival, gardening, etc.

Planting our flowers!

Mitchell's graduation

 Trying on flower girl dresses for Cousin Maggie's and Grandma Wendy's weddings.

Walking your baby around the block.

Crazy Costco trip.  

(If they forget to draw you a picture on the back of the receipt you say "smiley face?"  

It's so sweet and sad.)

"New" and awesome pirate and vehicle bath toys

Naked and playing with Liz on Great Gma's bed.

Daddy's work carnival

Mommy and Daddy had a date night!!

zoo- watching the hippos get fed treats!

more zoo with uncle Max

 kissing the monkeys :)

Block party with a fire truck!

 Quinn kept saying "ride?! ride?!"

 This is right before Caleb honked the extremely loud firetruck horn and scared Quinn to tears.  After a couple minutes she got over it and just kept saying "Firetruck! loud noise!"

Newest garage sale find!

Sweet kiss :)

Reading while Mommy takes a shower.  Notice the cheerios all over the floor... :p

22 Weeks

Had a midwife appt. today.  Everything looks good.  Shelia is not sure if Research will have water birth options in place by October, but she is working hard and having lots of meeting to try to move it along.  I will hope and pray to have this option by the time you come.  I feel huge but Shelia says I've only gained 8 lbs, so that is good.  You are riding very, very low, which is a bit uncomfortable and makes me have to pee a lot.  The good thing is that it's about as often as Quinn has to pee, so I don't forget to take her and it all works out. :)  You have been moving and kicking a lot, which I LOVE.  I'm not getting very good sleep these days because I stay up too late, I'm waking up to take Quinn to the bathroom and sometimes have to change her peed on sheets, and Daddy is snoring like a bear most nights which is driving me crazy.  But as a walked up the street the other night, in the beautiful summer evening warmth, holding Quinn's little hand, her butt covered in chalk from playing at the block party, and I helped her walk on and jump off the neighbors rock walls, and I looked down at my big belly, very noticeable in my ribbed maternity tank top, I thought to myself, "this is the time of my life, what I always hoped and prayed and dreamed about". 

I am blessed, so very blessed.