33 weeks pregnant & Your Name: OLIVE

Hello Baby Olive,
I am 33 weeks pregnant with you today.  You move around so much more than I remember you big brother and sister moving.  I love every minute of it.  So many kicks and rolls and pushes.  I haven't noticed any hiccups yet but I'm sure they are coming.  Quinn and Sawyer love you so much and can't wait to meet you.  Sawyer sometimes asks if you are coming today and then says "oh no, baby Olive is being born in June."  They love to hug and kiss you through my belly.  This pregnancy, second trimester on, has been so wonderful.  I feel so blessed to have you growing inside of me.  I can't wait to meet you and yet it's all going too fast.  I want to soak up and embrace every moment of your movement, every growing curve of my belly.  I wish there was a way to record this feeling that I will never experience again.  Words and pictures and videos can not come close to recording or describing it, and my own memory will fail me.  This all feels brand new even from having Sawyer growing inside of me just 4 years ago.  What an incredible gift to experience pregnancy and birth!

I still have energy and am feeling good except for some back pain. I'm weighing in at 145lbs.  You are head down and just rolling from side-to-side now, so your kicks are all over the place.  We are debating middle names and are between 'Olive Coralie' and 'Olive Campbell'.  Campbell is the street we live on, our first real house where Dady and I have lived for almost 8 years and will have had all three of our babies.  You'll never remember this house since we are moving in August or September to the one currently being built.  But this will be your first home too.

Now let me tell you about your first name, which is a sure thing and has been since we first found out you were a girl.  We liked the names Olive and Cora before we knew if you were a girl or a boy and before we went to Israel.  During our trip to Israel we learned so much about the significance of the olive trees, olive shoots, olive oil, olive branch, and olives- not only to the country of Israel but in scripture all throughout the Old and New Testaments.  I always thinking of the beautiful olive trees in the Garden of Gethsemane, some which may even date back to the time when Jesus prayed in the garden.  That is an incredible thing to try to wrap your mind around.  After returning from Israel and having learned how rich the bible is with olive references, we were set that if you were a girl we would name you Olive.  I started praying that you were our little Olive and I’m so in love with you and your name so full of biblical meaning and for Mommy and Daddy personally after a life changing pilgrimage to Israel.

OLIVE 

Psalm 52

But I am like an olive tree

flourishing in the house of God;

I trust in God’s unfailing love

for ever and ever.

For what you have done I will always praise you

in the presence of your faithful people.

And I will hope in your name,

for your name is good.

Psalm 128

A song of ascents.

Blessed are all who fear the Lord,

who walk in obedience to him.

You will eat the fruit of your labor;

blessings and prosperity will be yours.

Your wife will be like a fruitful vine

within your house;

your children will be like olive shoots

around your table.

Yes, this will be the blessing

for the man who fears the Lord.

May the Lord bless you from Zion;

may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem

all the days of your life.

May you live to see your children’s children—

peace be on Israel.

Olive, you are fearfully and wonderful made.  God’s works are wonderful.

Psalm 139

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book 

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand—

when I awake, I am still with you.

From: https://www.thattheworldmayknow.com/light-to-the-world

Light To The World

Israel was called "an olive tree, leafy and fair," because they shed light on all. Ancient Jewish Commentary on Jer. 11:16

Olive trees and the abundance of oil they produce were significant in the lives of the people of the Bible. A leading agricultural product, an important part of the diet, and a regular element of religious practices, the olive naturally became part of the imagery the Bible used to describe God and his people in relationship. Knowledge of the beautiful olive tree and its uses can enrich our understanding of God so that we may be as the olive tree was believed to be a "light to the world."

OLIVE TREES

The olive tree is one of the plants most frequently mentioned in the Bible. God called the land of Israel "a land with...olive oil and honey" (Deut. 8:8). The importance of the olive tree was noted in Jotham's parable:other trees chose the olive tree to be king over them (Judg. 9:8-9). As the Bible often notes, the olive tree is beautiful (Jer. 11:16; Hosea 14:6). The faithful followers of God are compared to vigorous olive trees (Ps. 52:8), and their children are said to be like the shoots that appear at the tree's roots, guaranteeing its survival (Ps. 128:3).

Olive trees have extensive root systems, spreading far beyond the reach of the leaves, to provide adequate moisture for them. Because their roots travel so far, these trees often stand alone, which accents their beauty. Olive leaves are gracefully narrow, light green on one side and an even lighter green on the other, and they shimmer beautifully in the wind.

The olive tree thrives throughout Israel. The ability of this tree to grow on rocky hills makes it well suited to the terrain of Israel, a land "with oil from the flinty crag" (Deut. 32:18). The tree grows exceptionally well on the cultivated hillside terraces of Judea and Samaria. Many of the hills of Upper and Lower Galilee are covered with olive trees to this day. They grow especially well in western Galilee, where the tribe of Asher lived.

Olive trees begin to produce olives when they are between six and 10 years old, and they reach their peak at about 40 to 50 years. Many continue to produce an abundance of olives even when they are hundreds of years old. When the trunk becomes large and old, the branches are trimmed off, leaving what appears to be a dead stump. But the next year, fresh shoots spring from the old stump, and soon a new and vigorous growth of branches again produces an abundance of olives.

This phenomenon provided some of the rich imagery of the Bible. Job compared human beings to the olive tree and noted that the olive tree did not die when cut down but sprang again to life, unlike people, who die and are gone (Job 14:7-9). The children of God's people are compared to the many small shoots that spring continually from the root system of the tree, ensuring the continued existence of the fruitful family (Ps. 128:3).

God used the metaphor of an olive tree (and sometimes other trees and vines) to describe his relationship to his people. He planted them as a farmer would plant a beautiful olive tree (Jer. 11:16-17; Ps. 52:8), but he said he would cut them down because the fruit they bore was the worship of Baal (Jer. 11:17). (Also see Matt. 3:10, 7:19; and Isa. 5:1-7 the vineyard was the picture for the same point.) After God allowed his people to be "cut down," they appeared to be nothing but a dead stump. But God and faithful Israelites knew better: Out of that stump came new shoots.

The shoot of Jesse's stump was a special one because God's Spirit rested on him (Isa. 11:1-2). That shoot was Jesus, who was a citizen of Nazareth (meaning "branch" Matt. 2:21-23). Many other prophecies also described the Messiah as a branch or a shoot, probably drawing on the image of the olive tree (Jer. 23:5, 33:15; Zech. 3:8, 6:12). Jesus is the shoot from a stump in the olive grove of Israel. His fruit is obedience and fulfillment.

This beautiful picture of God's people and the Messiah as an olive tree was completed by Paul. Paul reversed the image of the Jewish farmer who grafted a cultivated olive shoot onto the root system of a wild tree to take advantage of its ability to withstand a harsher climate. Israel, God's cultivated tree, had had some of its branches removed. In their place, God has grafted the branches of believing Gentiles. This provides the basis for Paul to remind the Gentiles of their Jewish roots, affirm God's continued love and concern for his Jewish tree, and warn people that since God had removed natural branches for not bearing fruit, how easy it would be for him to remove ones that had been grafted on (Rom. 11:11-24).

The olive tree provides an excellent lesson for the Christian who is not Jewish. As Christians, we have Jewish roots, and Jesus is our Jewish Branch. When God broke down the wall separating Jews and Gentiles, he did not invite the Jews to become Gentiles; he invited the Gentiles to join the Jews, his people. The olive tree can be a constant reminder that Jesus is our source of life?he is our Branch. He sprang from Jewish roots, and so do we. The beautiful olive tree reminds us of God's love and his expectation that all his branches bear fruit in abundance.

FRUIT OF THE OLIVE TREE

The olives of Israel had an unusually high oil content, but some were used as part of the daily diet of the people. Olive trees blossomed in the spring and bore fruit throughout the fall (October through November). Olives were harvested either by beating the branches with poles or by stripping the fruit by hand. Often the olives that were to be eaten were handpicked to prevent bruising. Some olives were picked while they were green (unripe), pickled in vinegar and salt, then eaten fresh, as were some of the ripe olives. Some green fruit was boiled, then dried and used throughout the year. The black (ripe) olives were the best for oil, often containing over 50 percent oil by volume.

During Old Testament times, the ripe olives were pounded to a pulp in pestles (Isa. 17:6) or under people's feet (Micah 6:15). The pulp was collected in reed baskets, and the oil was allowed to drain off. This first oil, the finest, was called "beaten oil" (Lev. 24:2; Ex. 29:40; 1 Kings 5:11). The people then extracted more oil by heating and pressing the pulp again.

During the time of Jesus, new olive-pressing systems were in use. In one system, the olives were placed in a large circular basin in which a great wheel-shaped millstone rolled in a circle. The stone was turned by an animal (e.g., a donkey) or by people. The pulp was then collected in baskets, which were stacked several layers high in (or over) stone pits. A stone weight was placed on top of the baskets, and a heavy wooden beam, with one end in a hole in the wall nearby (often these presses were found in caves) was placed across the pile of baskets. Stone weights were hung from the beam, applying enormous pressure to the olives and squeezing the oil from the pulp. In a similar method, a great stone pillar was placed directly on the olives to press the oil from the pulp. The oil ran through the baskets and into the pit below. The smell of the olive oil spread for miles during the fall of the year, when the oil was being pressed. The oil was collected in jars and placed in a cool place. It was sold or stored for use during the coming year.

Jesus spent the last few hours before his arrest in an olive grove (John 18:1) at a place called Gethsemane (Matt. 26:36). It is likely that this was a cave somewhere on the Mount of Olives (Luke 22:39) where the olives of the nearby groves were pressed. As Jesus reflected on the work he was about to do, he, too, was pressed. The great weight of the sin of the world and the coming rejection by His Father led Him to sweat drops of blood (Luke 22:44). The image of the great weight of a gethsemane on the precious olives can help us imagine the pressure Jesus felt as He contemplated the burden he was to bear. His blood became the symbol for the anointing he provides for those who love him.

ANOINTING OIL

Olive oil had a great variety of practical uses in the Bible, including the following:

An element in food: 1 Kings 17:12Fuel for lamps: Matthew 25:1-13

Medicine:James 5:14; Luke 10:34; Isaiah 1:6

Cosmetics:Ecclesiastes 9:7-8; Esther 2:12

Temple (Tabernacle) menorah:Exodus 27:20

Sacrifices:Exodus 29:40

Olive oil also had great symbolic value. It could indicate honor (Judg. 9:9) and joy. Pouring oil on someone's head was to wish that person happiness (Ps. 23:5, 92:11, 45:7,104:15). It was also a symbol of life. The recovered leper had to place oil on his or her right ear, right thumb, and right big toe after placing blood on those places. Oil was then poured on the leper's head, making "atonement for him before the Lord" (Lev. 14:15-18). Jewish tradition indicates that the oil was a symbol of the leper coming back to life because he or she had been considered dead. Oil was also a symbol of divine blessing (Deut. 7:13; Jer. 31:12; Joel 2:19), which God denied to people who were unfaithful (Micah 6:15; Joel 1:10).

Oil was linked symbolically to the coming of God's Spirit. God's Spirit bestows the "oil of gladness" on those who mourn (Isa. 61:1-6). This image is probably also linked to the use of oil for anointing people for special tasks and appointments. Pouring oil on the chosen one symbolized God's equipping him or her with authority and his calling that person to a specific responsibility. Kings were anointed (1 Sam. 10:1; 1 Kings 1:39), as were priests (Lev. 8:12; Ex. 30:30), holy things (Ex. 30:22-33), and places where God had acted (Gen. 28:18, 35:14). As God put his Spirit on the person called to serve him, the oil used for the outward anointing increasingly came to symbolize the Spirit that accompanied that anointing (1 Sam. 16:13; Isa. 61:1). By New Testament times, anointing had come to be seen primarily as the inner work of the Spirit on Jesus (Acts 10:38) and on His followers (1 John 2:20).

The Hebrew word for "anointed" is mashiach, from which we get our English word Messiah. Though many were anointed (messiahs) in the Old Testament and the believer is anointed by God's Spirit today, there is only one Messiah: Jesus, God's Anointed.

OIL AND LIGHT

Probably the most common use of olive oil was for lighting small household lamps. In this sense, olives and the oil they produced were the source of light for the people. The temple menorah, the eternal flame, was lit by the oil of olives that were specially prepared for this sacred role. The light of this flame symbolized God's presence, which enlightened the world: The olive tree, which produced the oil for anointing, also produced the light that would light the world. It was only natural that Jesus, the Anointed One, would call Himself the "light of the world" (John 8:12). It is not surprising that those who have experienced his anointing should be called the "light of the world" as well (Matt. 5:14).

Also read: http://www.kingdomandglory.com/art/art34.html

Q and Sawyer

Quinn, you continue to have a real, yet hilarious, fear of skunks.  You’ve even woken up at night from bad dreams about skunks and apparently you think about them at school.

“The low part of my day was that I'm scared of some things. Like skunks. Because they are so stinky. So if I went outside in the dark and saw two yellow eyes and I didn't know what it was and I went closer and then I saw a black and white tail and then it would spray me.”   

You have a sweet, sensitive spirit.  You do not like when death or dying is talked about, you are scared easily, and that is okay because it just perfectly how God made you.  You are not immune or desensitized to things that are sad or scary or broken, as the world around you usually is.  

Your French has exploded since Christmas break.  You are speaking in French at home non-stop.  You are always wanting to play “school” with Sawyer.  You love being the teacher and drawing popsicle sticks out of a container to call your students to do the calendar in French.  You've taught me quite a bit, although my memory can not keep up and my pronunciation is hopeless.  But you love it.  The other day you retold us the story of the Three Little Pigs all in French and it sounded legit and was adorable.  I am so proud of you for working so hard this year and for your enthusiasm, excitement, and growing confidence.  You’ve had to be so big, so brave, so grown up.  But you seem to be thriving.  I love you so much.

Sawyer, you continue to adore your big sister and miss her while she is at school.  You want her to come to your class with you at church, you love going to visit her at school, you still think that going to preschool next year means that you get to go to school with Quinny.  You sweetly call her Quinny Bear.  “Is it time to pick up Quinny Bear?”  “I’m going to show this to Quinny Bear.”  You wake early (usually before 6) and immediately want to wake up Quinn to play with you.  (I make you wait in bed with me so she can get her rest.)  Speaking of sleep, you won't takes naps for me anymore.  I’ve tried everything.  Quinn was still napping every other day at 5, she still naps sometimes on the weekends… you are 3, you need a nap, but you are stubborn.  I kept trying for a long time, You've been fight naps for almost a year I think, but at this point I've given up.  I’m not fighting you on it anymore.  For a while you would lay down for a rest time and I would sit in your chair and we listened to a story podcast together.  Now we usually are out at the zoo or running errands or you play with your magnets in your room making tracks and carwash and other creative things.

We go to speech class together on Fridays.  Your teacher is kind of quirky and I’m not sure if I love her, but she lets me stay and work with you and I learn what we need to be working on at home.  Right now it’s initial, middle, and ending S and F sounds and really all ending sounds.  You are a trooper for me and keep practicing with me at home.  You talk a ton but you talk too fast and you leave off a lot of sounds, so we are also working on slowing down.  

You are my silly mama’s boy, sweet and loving, hugs and kisses and always wanting me near.  I pray to embrace this time, to enjoy and appreciate it.  I also pray for patience and gentleness with you.  And that I can slow down and listen to all that fast talking excitement.  I love you so much.

19 weeks!

15 weeks

Oh baby #3, you've not been forgotten.  In fact, you are the bright reminder in my day, when I'm busy and distracted, or worries are weighing me down, and I feel you start to tap, I remember the miracle going on inside of me. The immeasurable, unbelievable gift that the Lord of the universe has allowed me to take part in His creation story, in your story, little one.  

19 weeks 

My belly is here! I've broken out the maternity clothes one last time.  It's all ready gone by so fast. 

Your legs are getting stronger my little mango. I felt the first tap from on top of my tummy today. Just one. I'm so excited for Quinn and Sawyer and Daddy to be able to feel your kicks and movements. And we are so excited to find out more about who you are on Tuesday at the sonogram! I'm praying you are growing healthy and strong.  

Update: As I'm writing this I'm feeling lots more kicks tonight then just the one we started with! Too bad Q and S are asleep and Daddy is gone, but I'm enjoying them myself. 

The Night We Found Out!

The Night We Found Out!

One evening in October, Jeff was doing dishes and I was staring at the calendar thinking hard about the dates. We were about the watch tv together and snuggle on the couch and I needed to get something off my mind. So I ran to the upstairs bathroom and dug out a dollar store pregnancy test from the very back of the under-sink cabinet. Once in a while I'd take one just to check if I couldn't remember when my last periods was. They were always negative and I'd usually start in the next day or two. So I stared in shock as the test showed the two lines meaning pregnant. My heart leapt and I laughed and ran downstairs with a shocked expression on my face and held it in front of Jeff's face. I don't remember exactly what he said but I was worried he'd be surprised and unhappy about the timing. But he was incredibly pleased and excited. His response was such a blessing. 

I'd waited for three years. We'd had so many hard discussions that usually ended in my tears or in his silence. But he continued to listen and I continued to pray. And God's timing is the best timing, bc just two months prior Jeff had first mentioned that maybe, if we were going to do this, if I was really sure, that maybe we should start trying in January on/after our trip to Israel. I remember this conversation vividly bc I was so excited at the YES that was his maybe. He had first mentioned it was possible and that he was open to the idea, not completely shut off anymore, just months before that. subtle things like planning the house with five cubbies instead of four, discussing kids sharing rooms if needed. Anyway, he told me the "maybe-we-should-maybe-try plan" while we had our favorite family breakfast together at Classic Cup. A caramel latte and Sticky French toast with bacon and over easy eggs for me; and a split order of pancakes and bacon for Quinn and Sawyer. He said it and later backtracked and said "well, I mean, let's talk more about it." To which I said- what is it that you still want to talk about. J- Are you sure? You still want another baby? Me- Yes Jeff. Yes. I want another baby. This is not going to go away. My heart wants one more child. One more pregnancy. One more birth. One more member of our family. 

And that was all that could be said. So logically brained Jeff says: well, if we are going to do this we should try to get pregnant after the trip and have the baby after getting settled into our new house and before the kids get any older. So January it is. Except we had a wonderful surprise from our God who knows our needs and desires and what's best for us better than we do, and I was pregnant October. It could have happened like that at any point in the last three years but Jeff wouldn't have been ready. It would have been fine. He would have come around and been excited. But this was so much better. 

I wish I could say I was wholeheartedly trusting and patient of God's plan and timing and answer. But the truth is that I wrestled with it, with God, with my untrusting nature. I wrestled hard. I remember long ago thinking that there was no way that Jeff's heart would change. No matter how hard I prayed I thought he was so stubborn and set that I couldn't imagine him actually coming around and being excited about another child. I started off praying that it would accidentally happen because I wanted it so bad and I *knew* his heart would not change unless it just happened. I tried to take control into my own hands and then gave it up again in exasperation. I prayed desperate prayers and yet was tempted to get my way through manipulation. I was sometimes unsure of my true motives and desires. But this felt too important to let go of, too hard to open my grasp and trust God with. My desires were not going to change, I didn't want them to change. It took me two years to even truly pray for God's will, and for unity in our marriage, even if that meant my heart changing and not Jeff's. And even at that I can not say it was always an honest prayer. I asked my BSF and Corpus groups to pray for God's will when I couldn't. I had years of prayers from these women. I asked for forgiveness, for help in my unbelief. Desperate, broken, and when I needed a break from the wrestling, I finally let it go and just waited. I waited in hope. After two years I watched Jeff's heart slowly open. Occasionally I still talked honestly with Jeff about my desires but there was a real shift in me wanting and being willing to wait for Jeff to be just as excited and onboard. I decided it was okay for the kids to be older, that there was no rush. I would wait and pray and let go over and over again. I realize it's easier to reflect on this because the final answer was a YES and not a NO. I don't know how long this road would have been if the answer had ultimately been NO. All I have is our own story. And God's grace. 

The most lovely surprise, the best gift- was when I showed him the positive pregnancy test and his face lit up with excitement. Not forced, but truly excited and ready. 

01/12/2016

I haven't written to you on this blog in so long.  But it's because I'm too busy living life with you.  I still take tons of photos, don't worry about that.  :)  I wish I could record every moment...well maybe not every moment, like when Mommy loses patience or Sawyer throws his food on the floor for the 1,000th time, but all the precious Kairos moments that are gone in the blink of an eye.  Sometimes I try to recreate these on video, but it's never as good.  I am so thankful for you both, my babies.

Quinn,

You love to say crazy made up words, or even just "try out" new words that you hear and aren't quite sure how to use yet.  For example, you say something yummy is "Scrumdelicious".  And the other day you were trying out the word "suffice" in a sentence.  I finally figured out that you heard that word in a recent library book we had been reading, the mom says, "I've said it once. I've said it twice. To speak again, would not not suffice!"  So you started proclaiming this line in random places like the grocery store or at the YMCA, always cracking me up and making me so proud of your quickly growing vocabulary. 

You have repetitive bad dreams about .... skunks!  I think these come from an incident this summer at Grandma and Grandpa's house where Ozark got sprayed by a skunk and then ran through their house at about midnight waking everyone up with the worst smell you can imagine. 

Sometimes your prayers bring us to tears.  Like this one:
Dear God,
Thank you for all of Your creation.  Please take away all the coughs and sickness from our family.  Take care of Chrissy and all my friends.  Take away our sin and help keep us away from bad things.  Amen.

I've been teaching you the Lord's Prayer.  Sometimes I sing it to you and you listen quietly and then say "That was beautiful Momma."

This week you had lice.  LICE!  Turns out 4 kids at preschool also had it.  It was a rough start to our week.  But as I sat with you for hours, combing out your hair piece-by-piece, I was reminded that God knows every hair on your head.  In the Message translation of Luke 12:7 it says, "And He pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail- even numbering the hairs on your head!"  What an amazing truth to remember.  I want to love you like that too.  My hope-filled labor. 

During that lice debacle you said some funny things.
-"The Mommy lice teach their babies to suck my blood... that's not very nice."
-"Mom!  There was a spider on my head.  But then she jumped off.  But I think it was a nice spider because she wanted to eat the eggs.  And the bugs that are in my hair.  So I think she was a nice spider.  She must have seen an egg but then she jumped off."

You and your brother are so sweet together.  You love each other so much and are truly best friends.  I hope that will last forever.  A few weeks ago when we were walking up to communion, I was holding Sawyer and he said "down" and then ran up to you to hold your hand for communion.   Sawyer said "amen" in his sweet voice after I served him communion and you said "thanks be to God".

Sawyer,
That last one was for you too.  You love your sister so much.  Every night at bedtime you say to me: "Goodnight Quinn?" and sign for hug (fist at neck) or kiss (finger tips to mouth).  I let you down off my lap and you run to give Quinn a hug and kiss goodnight, sometimes several.  Or sometimes it's a tackle hug that turns into lots of giggling.  It is the sweetest thing for my heart to see the love that you both share with each other.

It's been a big week for us too.  I officially weaned you this week!  March 1st was our last time nursing.  I have mixed emotions but it seems like the right time for us.  It's gone better then I expected, so I guess it was the right time.  I've been intentionally slowing it down for a while down, cutting back to just that special time at night before bed, even though you still asked to nurse every single day at nap time.  Now I just say "Mommy's milk is all gone.  And you are a big boy now!"  I never intended to nurse you for almost 2.5 years, but that is what worked for us.  It was a blessing and a wonderful time to bond and snuggle with you.  You've been my baby for so long.  You are such a sweet boy, so loving.  I know we will still cuddle at night, as you are still obsessed with my hair.  You have formed a similar attachment to Grandma Kim (Nay-Nay as you call her).  We are also potty training this weekend!  So far it's going really well.  Another area that seemed to be the right time. 

And you are talking more!  Even starting to put together some sentences.  "More ride choo-choo at the zoo!?"  You are still obsessed with trains but also love all construction vehicles.  I am excited for the months ahead when I can take you to watch our house being built.  You are also surprisingly particular.  It's surprising because Quinn never had attachments to toys, blankets, preferences on the color of plate she used, how her bread was cut, etc.  You are obsessed with BLUE.  You always ask for a blue plate, spoon, fork, bowl... and if blue is dirty I have to talk you off a ledge or compromise: "Look Sawyer, I only have a yellow spoon clean BUT you can have a BLUE BOWL!!!"  You only want to read train books or books with a train on at least one of the pages.  So now I know which non-train books have illustrations of a kid's bedroom with a toy train on the shelf (Jessi Bear) or a train that appears transporting berries for two pages (Jamberry).  It has been fun to look at the library for more train books to read to you.  I never checked out books at the library for Quinn because we have so many and she loves ALL of them.  But Mommy gets a little bored reading the same 5 "Choo-choo" books to you over and over again, twice a day.  You are also a creature of habit at bed time.  Nightlight on for rocking, off once you are in bed.  You scream if I forget and leave it on.  No blankets, toys, or stuffed animals in the crib with you, so we've kept a space heater in all winter.  Sing "Baa Baa Black Sheep" and "Twinkle Twinkle"- except for one time you randomly asked for "Hey Jude".  You always want me to read the prayer book (after your choo-choo books of course) that Quinn got from JW at her dedication.  You always have to give Quinn and Daddy hugs and kisses good night.  And when you finally say goodnight to me, as I lay you in your crib, you say "Goodnight Mama" and I say "Goodnight Sawyer"  to which you say "NO... goodnight Mama" to which I reply "Oooook, goodnight Mama".

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We are so blessed to have the community we have at JW, specifically in our Corpus Group.  We all sit together up in the balcony at the 9AM service.  We hug and chat and hold each others babies.  We listen to the sermon and give a knowing grin as one or two of us get called down by flashing numbers on the screen to pick up a child who couldn't quiet make it through the service.  At communion we collect our children (all 14 of you, as of now) from various Kid's Community rooms and find our way to the foyer where we weave our way into communion lines that look more like a mini mosh pit as our little ones all crowd together in the center of the aisle to hold each others hands.  Then we split off into families to receive the bread and juice, and for a moment embrace the sacredness of the sacrament of our faith in Jesus, trying to pass on that glorious mystery to you, our children.  Then we head back up to the balcony, sometimes sitting in different places and keeping an eye on each other's children as you sit with each other, or run playfully across the walkway, or dance to the music, or watch the musicians play.  Then we stand to receive the benediction, which is usually the prayer I spoke over you each night for so long- "may God bless you and keep you..."  Then we all hold hand together to sing the closing song.  It is a beautiful chaos. 

Dear Quinn

Hello baby girl,  You are not quite a baby anymore. You will be four in two days!  Four years has flown by. You are the most beautiful, well spoken, creative, imaginative, playful, spirited, friendly, curious, talkative girl I know. God has blessed me beyond my greatest imagination with who you are and who you are becoming.  Your stories make me laugh, your memory amazes me, as does your eloquent speech.  You love making cards for people because you say it's a way that you can show love to others. You ask questions about everything, I can't hide any details from you.  You love to sing and make up songs, just like mommy and daddy do.  And you memorize songs so quickly. You love to sing "take me out to the ball game", "God bless America", several Beatles songs, "I love you Lord", and several VBS songs from Jacob's Well's first VBS last week. 

I've noticed lately how long your legs are getting. And one evening when I held you in my arms and told you to stop growing up so fast and stay my baby forever you looked me straight in the eyes and told me with a serious face "I can't stop growing Momma. God made me to grow up. I can't be little forever."  I nearly burst into tears. 

I love you so much. You are my best girl. 

Dear Sawyer 18month

Sawyer Allen, you are the sweetest boy. I'm so in love with you. Just the other day you sis got in trouble and was crying in her room. You could hear her from your room where I was nursing you, and you stopped nursing and pointed at the door and wanted to go see what was wrong. So I put you down and we went in to Quinn's room to hug her. As I was talking with her you toddled off and the next thing I new you had come back in with a strip of toilet paper, offering it to her and then patting her face, eyes, and nose with it.  You continued to go back into the bathroom, which now had a long roll of TP coming out of it, and tore off little pieces to offer to your sister to wipe away her tears and blow her nose.  You continue to amazing me.

When we are at playgroup and a kid is crying, you go up to them and pat their back and then give them a (sometimes tackling) hug.  You are just the sweetest boy. You are always giving us hugs and kisses. You snuggle your stuffed animals, before chucking them across the room. You love to snuggle with mommy and nurse and rock and FINALLY you also love to read books!!  When you wave hello to people you look like you are "raising the roof".  If you wake up before your sister you love to try to race into her room before I can stop you and then stand by her bed, emphatically waving in your upwards motion to say "hello! Good morning!" to her sleeping body. 

I tease that you are a little like your Daddy and Grandpa Ben bc you freak out when, for example, you get your pants with the watering can or I put your bare feet in the sand box.  You can also be quite meticulous when picking up your blocks, although you make TONS of messes as well, like pulling all the books off your shelves or throwing all your food on the floor.  Speaking of throwing things, you really like to throw all your toys, cars, books, cups, etc. which we are working on so you don't keep hurting friends at playgroup. 

Your smile is infectious. Your giggles intoxicating. Your cries heart breaking. You are very attached to mommy still and do not like being dropped off at JW kids community or BSF, but I think we are improving.  You don't use many words yet but you know lots of signs. You LOVE to point at cars going by on our street and up at the helicopters and planes.  You've developed your own sign for vehicles which is to say "vmmm vmmm" and run your hand a long your chest or belly. You know where your nose, ears, mouth, head, and belly button are. You know where a hat goes. You love the book "Get Dressed Dino". You will repeat some words like ball, bubble, momma, dada but you don't use words on your own.  You sign for cup, nurse, more, please, car, hat, and do a lot of grunting and screeching. You know lots animal sounds like elephant, dog, duck, snake, cow, horse. 

At your 18 month appt Friday, Dr. Moylan said you were growing perfectly. You are 75th%tile for height and 50th for weight at about 33 inches and 25lbs.  You are walking like a champ now. You are starting to play more with sister although there is still a lot of supervision needed as she gets frustrated easily and resorts to pushing you.  We are always reminding her to be a good model for you, for you certainly love to watch her and do what she does.  Time for me to get to bed my love. 

I love you always,

Momma

Quinn- 3 1/2 years old

Hello my best girl,
Each time I put you to sleep I pray over you.  It's usually one or both of these prayers:

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace."

"God made you.  God loves you.  God blesses you.  And God is with you."

The last one is the blessing the say over each child in the Loft on Sundays at JW.  Then I kiss you goodnight and I tell you I love you and that you are my best girl.  Your eyes light up and you get a big smile on your face.  Sometimes you say "Momma you are my best girl."

O my child, give me your heart. May your eyes take delight in following my ways.

Proverbs 23:26

 

Sister, you are my sweet, sassy, beautiful, intelligent, curious, imaginative, loving girl.  It February and we are still listening to the Harry Connick Jr. Christmas CD because you (and Sawyer) are obsessed with "Drummer Boy" and "Toy Soldiers".  You know most of the words now, and belt them out, and EVERY SINGLE TIME you say "here comes the crazy trumpet!"  You say, "Momma you know why I always like to listen to "Toy Soldiers" every day?"  "Why Quinn?" "Because I like the crazy instruments!  The crazy trumpet! Hahahah!"  And we talk about all the instruments we hear and you sing some words wrong and I don't correct you, like "soldiers are blinking, soldiers are winking, at each pretty little man-ger" (instead of "maid").

 

You've started drawing people!  You've always been much more interested in writing your name or other words like, Mommy, Grandma, etc. But a couple weeks ago, and all on your own, you drew a very detailed Mommy, Daddy and Baby.  You named each body part as you were drawing it.  I was so proud of you!  You have been really into making "cards" for people.  You color or stamp or put stickers all over a paper or card and then you want an envelope and you like to fold the paper and stick it in the envelope (this is sometimes frustrating) and lick the envelope and use stickers to keep it closed.  You always tell me who they are for, usually Josie or Jude, or Otto, or Caleb or Abby, or Jayden (we mailed that one), or for Daddy or Grandma or for me.  You are a sweet friend.  You always ask if you got any mail and love getting the occasional card or package.  When someone gives or send you something you say "Oooooh!  That's so sweet of them!  That's so sweet of them!"

When I was sick with a cold you prayed for me and said "God please help Mommy to feel better."

 

You always refer to Daddy as "My Dad" when you are talking to him.  "My Dad, can I have some milk?"  It's very sweet.  

 

You are in ballet class at the KC Ballet Bolender Center!  Mark and Dave got you two months of classes for Christmas.  It. Is. The. Cutest. Thing. I've. Ever. Seen.  And you love it.  I stand at the door made of two-way glass and watch you.  You seem to be following your teacher's directions and watching intently.  Sometimes I can tell when you start to drift off and stare blankly into space, or get distracted by one of the girls who acts up.  And sometimes I see you chewing on your toenails.  Yuck!  You have quite the bad habit of nail biting.  But when you are dancing, it is so precious.  I hold these things close to my heart.  It makes me think of Luke 2:19 ^"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."  or another translation: "Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself."

 

 

 

A while back you were laying next to me, kissing me all over and holding my hand and you said, "Someday, when I'm bigger, and Jude is bigger, we can get married like you and Daddy are married.  Do you want to come to my wedding?"

 

Saturday during the rainy day:
 Q-"why is the sun not out and the sky is dark"
Me- "well because the clouds are covering the sun. And all of those clouds are dark and full of... (Giving you wait time to say "rain")
Q- "Mischief!?"

(I was then corrected by Daddy that the clouds were actually covering the earth, not the sun.)

 From November:
It finally happened. I dragged Quinn out of bed when I found this tonight.

She looked at me with wide eyes and said "momma, why did you color on the wall?" Then I buried my face into the bed to hide my laughter and Jeff told her I was crying.

 

Sawyer 15 1/2 months

Hello my little man,

It's been so long since I've written. These days you are still determined to crawl and you are very fast. You stand and walk around things (holding on) but are not much interested in walking on your own or as your main mode of transportation. 

You are the sweetest mommy's boy, though you love your daddy as well. You go right to him and want to be held each day when he comes in the door home from work.  But you are my sweet snuggle bug. You love playing with my hair when I'm holding you or when you are nursing. You love to give hugs and kisses. You always want to be held or crawl in and out of my lap.  You are going through an attachment phase and having trouble when we leave you in the nursery at church or BSF. You've finally started sleeping though the night (most nights) and you did it all on your own!!  

You use baby signs a lot and you are starting to scream a little less. You say "uh oh" when you drop or throw something. You say "vroom vroom" and run you hand across your chest when you see any type of vehicle.  You say "bum bum bum bum" to the drummer boy beat whenever we get in the car bc you and your sister are obsessed with that song. Speaking of Quinn, you love your sister, except for when she's too rough with you. You love you play on the couch with her.  You will slide off and then stand at the couch and hold your hands up and whine until she comes and pulls you up under your arms. Then you two wrestle around and giggle. Some days when you wake up from your nap, you crawl out your door before I can catch you and straight towards Quinn's room to try to wake her up. Luckily I get to you before you accomplish this task.  You still don't let me read to you very much. I have a few books with flaps that help keep your attention.  You've started to pick up Quinn's baby dolls and "snuggle them"- so sweet.  You even held a bottle to the doll's mouth to feed her...before launching the bottle, followed by the baby, across the room. :) 

I love you so much and love every sweet moment I get with you. 

This has been my prayer for you and Quinn this week, that God and your daddy and I would win your hearts: 

O my child, give me your heart. May your eyes take delight in following my ways.

Proverbs 23:26

Dear Sawyer

Dear Sawyer (AKA My Sweet, Little Blondie),

This is my new nickname for you.  Your sister likes to call you SoyBoy, or SoySauce, or Baby GoyGoy? but you are now my little Blondie.  You have a full head of crazy, beautiful, light blonde hair.  And bright eyes to match.  Your personality has been shining through as you continue to make us all laugh and melt to your charms.  You are moving around a lot nowadays, pulling up on everything, getting stronger and more stable on those chubby legs of yours.  You also copy sounds and intonations like "Uh oh" or "No no" or the way your sister says "Amen" at the end of her prayer.

We are beginning to transition to one nap (I think).  You are still waking at night to nurse and depending on if you are getting teeth, that may be multiple times.  You don't nurse well during the day because you are so distract by everything and just want to get down and play.  You don't eat well either, mostly the food gets thrown on the floor.   So I make smoothies for you and fill food pouches with blends of fruits and veggies and chia seeds, and try not to worry about the things I can't control.

When you do quiet in my arms at night, you now like to play with the little hairs at the back of my neck.  Or if you are feeling more like playing then nursing, you slap my face playfully with your little hand and I play along turning my head and making a surprised sound.  Or you grab my hand and place it on your belly asking me to tickle you and then giggle hysterically.  You can now sign when you want to nurse by tapping your chest.  It is very sweet.

You sometimes get jealous when I hold Quinn, or another baby, shrieking and crawling over as fast as you can to climb your way into my lap.  You will go to most people to be held for a moment and then it's back to Mom.  And I adore getting your sweet squeezes.  You are a good mix of playing alone or with Quinn and wanting to be in my arms.  Somedays are harder then others, if you are clingy because your teeth are hurting or who knows what else, and I can't hardly put you down to make dinner or go to the bathroom.  But I try to remember, as I do when you cry for me in the middle of the night, that these days will fly by entirely too fast.  So I'll hold you through my back aching and rock you with my sleepy eyes and groggy head. 

And in the dark I will try to remember what I recently read in a very good book "Surprised By Motherhood"...
I want you to know Sawyer, God knit you together in the secret dark.  God knew you, He delighted in you, He sung over you in the dark, secret hours of spinning life out of strands of DNA- an artist at work, creating and shaping another Adam-child in His image.  It is the shape the Father sculpted in the beginning and the shape the Christ-Son took.  It is the ancient, familiar form that is still somehow new every time we see it fitted over a new soul. 

"This was the gift.  That even though I was broken and my soul stained, the Creator still invited me to cocreate and sustain life with Him.  I am His [child].  [He] is mine.  We are both grafted into His heartbeat."

This month I am praying this for you and your sister (and myself):
Jesus, we pray to fall more in love with you each day and to know you as our Savior all our lives.  Amen.

I love you my little Blondie.

Dear Quinn,

So many moments and quotes that have already slipped my mind.  But they all bring joy to my heart.  Here are a few things that you've said or done.

You can now count to ten in Spanish with almost no help.  I started teaching you uno, dos, tres and then you asked to hear the rest and asked me to count in Spanish when I did your "egg cracks" before each nap. You picked it up so quickly. I'm excited about the possibility of sending you to the French immersion charter school. 

You have quickly memorized the book "We're Going on a Bear Hunt" with all the sound effects. You recite it with such expression and excitement. It is engaging and delightful for anyone listening.  You've impressed all of your grandparents.

"When I get married to a boy, I will sing to the boy.  I want to get married to Jude."  Why? "Because Jude and Quinn love each othies.  Jude loves me, when we get married we can dance."

Any time you pick a flower you give it to me or daddy and say "we are getting married, here is a flower!"

"Can I have a zip! Just a little zip!" Trying to get a drink of our soda, wine, beer...anything you are not supposed to have.

For the longest time you would randomly sing something about "feel the pain" and I finally figured out you were singing "Hey Jude": "And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders"

Sometimes you combine several songs into one long, loud melody of your own.  Recently it's been a mix of "Let it go" from Frozen, "Hey Jude", and "I love you Lord".  You also LOVE musical instruments.  You know several of them by name.  I love to pretend to play drums, guitar, and violin.  Lately you talk about tubas a lot, it used to be trumpets.  Several weeks ago we were going on a walk and someone was practicing playing trumpet in their house and we could hear the music and you said "Hey!  That's a trumpet."

Along time ago when you watched Ice Age with Grandma she said when they fall off the cliff you shouted "WHAT IS HAPPENING!" So that has been a running inside joking around the family to say about things that are surprising. 

We painted a cut out butterfly picture for someone as a thank you and the next day I found it ripped into several pieces and when I asked you why and what had happened you said "I was giving Daddy communion."  :)

On the way to church: "I like church! I like preschool! I like BSF! And I REALLY like Costco! Costco is my best friend. But Costco is not Jude, it's like Josie."

In the car-
Me: Quinn! Quit biting your toe nails! That's so gross!
Quinn: Nooooo! I want to bite them! They are mine!

"Mommy! Look! I have nipples!" - Quinn pointing to some mosquito bites on her leg.

(the rest of) July 2014 Photo Bomb

Rolling :)

Picking our "Lemon Boy" tomatoes.

Harvesting our (pathetically small) onions!

My brave little monkey

yogurt painting!!  an all time favorite

Meeting Baby Aiden!

Thank you Costco, our favorite store, for your big parking spaces, big carts, and yummy samples.

Our third annual "dress like a cow, get free food" day!

 Big haircut for my almost 3 year old!  7.5 inches off!!

we match!

beauty.

decorating my "birthday cake"

Grrrr... look uncle Mitchell, we found a good stick for the birthday pinata

nursing her baby

Spray Park with friends!